100+ Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh

Here are 100+ best funny quotes I could find for everyone.

What is the goal?

To get you to relax, laugh and have fun! 

Life is brief and the most content persons are those who live light (with a smile on their hearts).

You will find quotes of Bill Murray, Tina Fey, Jim Carrey, etc.

Enjoy!

• I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright
• Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. Spanish proverb
• When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Rodney Dangerfield
• Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something. Mitch Hedberg
• Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. Unknown

• I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Mitch Hedberg
• The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Bill Murray
• I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright
• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. Steven Wright
• I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin
• Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. Golda Meir
• This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. Oscar Wilde
• Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. Bill Murray
• Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain
• I wrote a few children’s books… not on purpose. Steven Wright

The Best Funny Quotes

• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright
• I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people. Mitch Hedberg
• It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
• I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I’m not sure how I got there. Steven Wright
• People are like music. Some speak the truth, and others are just noise. Bill Murray
• Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday
• Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton
• I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
• A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston S. Churchill
• Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers
• When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite
• I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield
• That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin
• I don’t understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. They don’t bother no one. Mike Tyson
• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen
• My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carter (US president 1977 to 1981)
• I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves. Unknown

• If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Lawrence Ferlinghetti
• If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Steven Wright
• Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. Unknown
• If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld

Short Funny Quotes And Humorous Lines

• One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts & captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers and backgrounds.
  
• The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. Joan Rivers
• When nothing is going right, go left. Unknown
• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
• Never miss a good chance to shut up. Will Rogers
• Sane is boring. R.A. Salvatore
• Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams
• I’m addicted to placebos. Steven Wright
• I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money. Pablo Picasso
• Puns are the highest form of literature. Alfred Hitchcock
• The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. Zach Galifianakis
• Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard
• All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain
• There are two rules in life: 1) Never give out all the information. Unknown

• Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion. Tina Fey
• If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower. Mitch Hedberg
• You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music. Jim Carrey (wikipedia.org)
• We’re not kissing. We’re feeding each other like baby birds. Ryan Reynolds
• What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’? Unknown
• Not texting back is only ok when I do it. Unknown

Funny Quotes That Are Self-Deprecating

• My life feels like a test I didn’t study for. Unknown
• I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time. Unknown
• My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Unknown
• I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking. Unknown
• I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head. Steven Wright
• I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. Danny Zuker (twitter.com)
• Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face. Unknown
• My brain has too many tabs open. Unknown
• Everyone says to follow your dreams, so I went back to bed. Unknown
• Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it. Unknown
• I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes. Unknown
• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Joan Rivers (marieclaire.co.uk)

Funny Quotes From Pinterest, Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook & Twitter

• I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you. Unknown
• Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time. Unknown
• I believe in annoyed at first sight. Unknown
• I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them. Unknown
• I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice. Pakalu Papito 

• If you are hotter than me it means I’m cooler than you. Pakalu Papito
• Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it. Unknown
• I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch. Unknown
• You’re welcome to come here, except my beds from Ikea so it’s more unstable than I am. TextsFromLastNight
• I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are. Matt Bellassai 
• If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge. Unknown
• I am not lazy. I am on energy saving mode. Unknown
• Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry. Unknown
• “Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make. Aparna Nancherla 
• In this horrible time, let us at least be bolstered by small miracles like finding out your ex moved to a different city. Aparna Nancherla
• Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook. Unknown
• I just want my stomach to be as flat as my ass.  FitnessGoals Bill Burr

Funny Sayings, Twisted Humor, Quirky Lines & Sarcastic Sayings

• You’re only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz
• Men cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. James A. Garfield
• Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good. Beth McCollister
• Here’s a quick anti-aging trick: die. Unknown
• I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Rodney Dangerfield
• My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. Rodney Dangerfield
• I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield
• If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln
• I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. Mitch Hedberg
• My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg
• I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. Unknown

• Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass. Jim Carrey
• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Steven Wright
• Am I perfect? No. But am I striving to be a better person every day? Also no. Unknown
• Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too. Unknown
• Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late. Unknown
• I think those neighborhood signs that say ‘slow children playing’ are so very mean. Zach Galifianakis (wikipedia.org)
• I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. Zach Galifianakis

Conclusion

Attempting to be happy with the purchase of things is similar to attempting to feed your stomach by pasting tapes on your face. 

Lightening up is best done through laughter – so continue smiling, continue to make jokes and never lose track of the rule: when life is serious, then you are doing it right.

Laughter is not entertainment, but a little bit of self-care. In the world where we are always expected to be serious, productive and perfect, humor makes us stop and take a breath and not take everything so personally. Jocular words, witless ideas and light-mindedness do not resolve all the issues, but make the issues easier to confront.

So keep space for joy. Make fun and share the absurdity and laugh at your own mistakes whenever you are able to. One does not have to be perfect to be happy, a good sense of humor and the ability to smile regardless, suffices.

Some hasty reflections upon fun and laughing…

A good laugh…

Isn’t it great?

Do you not think that you feel that time ceases and you are 100 percent here and now and enjoy it?

In daily life, with its gravity and hectic lifestyle, people could forget the values and positive side of relaxing, chilling and having fun with friends.

To the majority of us, including me, we are always on the next-thing-next-thing-next-thing, without any pause.

Now, I encourage you to STOP, have a break, and watch some funny video or show of one of your favorite comedians.